Charlie Brooks says losing two stone for a 2005 fitness video has had a “long-term negative impact” on his self-esteem because he “got tiny.”

CONFIDENCE IS SOMETHING I’VE NEVER HAD, and it’s hampered me for a LARGE chunk of my life.

Because of my insecurity that I am not up to par in any aspect of life, I have never been able to fully realize my potential in my career or in my personal relationships.

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I didn’t go to drama school because I won the role of Janine Butcher on EastEnders when I was 17 years old, and a lot of my career-long insecurity can be traced back to that decision.

It’s something I’ve pondered a lot: whether or not I deserve to be where I am.

On the side, I’ve always questioned my abilities as a parent.

Kiki, my 18-year-old daughter with ex-husband Tony Truman (age 55), is about to begin her own acting career and is enrolled in NYU’s drama program.

At times during her adolescence, I felt like a complete failure as a mother because of how our relationship was going.

It was my hope that once I had cared for this child, we would go on amazing adventures together.

Instead, I was met with Kiki’s brutal rejection, during which she screamed for her independence while I took it all personally and wondered why my daughter didn’t love me.

I’ve also struggled with negative self-talk whenever I caught sight of my reflection in a public place.

When I thought about myself, I hated the disgusting, fat bitch that I had become.

Back in the day, I put out a fitness video and lost a lot of weight, which severely damaged my self-esteem.

As I neared 40, I found myself at my wit’s end as a result of all these intertwining factors; I knew I had to make a change, but I had no idea what it should be.

Not drinking in 2020 became a pivotal factor in a life-changing period.

I enjoy drinking and going to parties, but I’ve noticed that I’ve been prioritizing them over other things.

To myself, I was a “disgusting, fat bitch,” and I felt only hatred.

Dropping the booze helped me focus on my thoughts and figure out what was going on.

I’ve spent the last three years getting to know, trust, and even like myself, and that’s given me the confidence to try new things.

My brother Ben and sister-in-law Emma and I started an online drama school called Iampro as our first major step.

I’ve always had a strong desire to pave a new way of entry for talented people into a highly competitive field.

As a mentor, I’ve had to get over my fear of making social media videos and realize that I do, in fact, have advice that can help others who are trying to break into the acting industry.

I had no prior experience in business management, but as I’ve consistently shown up for work, my self-assurance has grown.

I’ve learned to be kinder to myself, too.

While my physical self certainly has its flaws, the fact that it was able to give birth to a human being is a miracle in and of itself.

I’ve also gained the courage to pursue a career change into the emerging field of sexual health and wellness.

Being willing to take risks has paid off for me since I began developing a novel female stimulation toy after the lockdown.

An additional boost has come from being cast in the touring production of The National Theatre’s The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman.

While I was planning my exit from EastEnders, the part of Ursula presented itself.

Getting off the booze helped me focus on my thoughts and discover their meaning.

I never thought I’d be good enough to perform with The National, but now that I’m a part of this incredible team, I finally feel like I belong there.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to completely banish doubt from my mind, and I wouldn’t want to.

There are days when I open my eyes and think, “I can’t do this. To get past the “I don’t want to put myself out there” moments, I use a variety of strategies. I refuse to let them hold me back or restrict me.

Years ago, I was terrified of entering my forties. I was frightened and disoriented.

For some reason, though, I feel like I’m in the midst of an incredible love affair with myself right now, and I have a feeling that this decade will be my absolute favorite.

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