Why a Dad Refused to Pay for His Daughter’s Quinceañera: A Tale of Toxic Co-Parenting
In a viral post, a dad revealed that he won’t pay for his daughter’s Quinceañera because his ex-wife went ahead and planned it without him.
Sep. 19, 2023, Updated 4:56 p.m. ET
More often than not, some divorced couples will use their children as pawns in their fights. It’s incredibly unethical and typically has serious psychological and emotional effects on the kids involved. Although most parents know it’s wrong, many still do it, including these toxic exes in the popular “Am I the A——” (AITA) subreddit.
The Backstory: A Divorce Marked by Betrayal
The original poster, who goes by the handle u/Dependent-Stand-8707, said he refuses to pay for anything related to his daughter’s quinceañera because his ex-wife picked a venue without consulting him about it first.
The OP provided a bit of back story, revealing that he and his ex-wife share four kids together. They divorced in 2015 due to her infidelity, and unsurprisingly, they ended their relationship on pretty bad terms.
A Surprise Announcement Leads to Conflict
Anyways, their youngest and only daughter recently told them she wanted to throw a party for her 15th birthday. The OP’s ex-wife started looking into venues, and after she found one she liked, she told the OP to pay for it. He refused, noting that he never agreed to this because she looked at venues without telling him in the first place.
Plus, the OP and his new wife already planned to throw a party for his daughter (and it didn’t include his ex-wife). He suggested that his ex-wife throw another party for their daughter to celebrate with her side of the family, and it’s safe to say she wasn’t too happy.
Reddit’s Verdict: A Case of Two Sides Failing to Co-Parent
“She got mad and berated me for being a horrible father and not providing for our child,” the OP said, adding that his daughter was “mad at me for not paying for the venue, and she won’t speak to me. … The last thing she said was that she didn’t want the stupid party me and my wife wanted to [throw for her].”
The now-viral post received over 2,000 comments from Redditors who agreed that everyone sucks here. Now, in this instance, “everyone” doesn’t include the OP’s daughter — it only refers to the OP and his ex-wife.
“You and your ex are terrible at co-parenting, and you both suck at communication,” one user wrote. “You knew your daughter was going to turn 15 at some point, and this should have been addressed much earlier. Leave your daughter out of this. She is a child, and you are the grown-up. Grow up and figure out how to fix all this.”
A second person said, “You knew your daughter was gonna turn 15 eventually, and of course, your daughter is gonna want her big moment. [On the other hand], these events usually take at least a couple months to plan; the OP’s ex had plenty of time to tell him the plan and get his budget.”
“Your ex-wife did exactly what you did,” someone else pointed out. “You both tried to plan a party behind each other’s backs without consulting one another. Although you didn’t ask her for money, you clearly forgot to consult with your daughter, who didn’t want the party you were planning for her when she found out.”
Another person stated, “A Quinceañera is a HUGE thing in many Hispanic cultures. This is the time that OP and his ex need to act like adults who love their daughter and cooperate to throw one heck of a party. Instead, both OP and his ex are using this occasion to bash each other. The loser isn’t OP or the ex. The loser is the daughter.”
Considering the mixed opinions, it’s clear that this situation is complicated and reflects a lack of effective co-parenting. Resolving their differences and prioritizing their daughter’s happiness should be the top priority. Turning this event into a celebration of love and unity, rather than a battleground, can make a lasting positive impact on their daughter’s memories.