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I used the conservative dating app The Right Stuff.

Wedding season is back! Actually, it’s not, which makes the November wedding of my third cousin unusual. This branch of my family is very traditional, so if I want to bring a date at all, I need to bring someone who blends in.

Thankfully, Peter Thiel is on my side. It appears that he hasn’t given up on right-wing dating apps despite leaving Facebook. In fact, Sept. 30, Thiel contributed $1.5 million to the launch of The Right Stuff, a gathering place for conservatives. Sadly, it’s invite-only, possibly because there’s a way to admit that you took part in the riots on January 6 and there aren’t enough FBI agents available.

The app has some drawbacks, according to reviews: Despite filling out a profile, you can’t actually start swiping until you get an invitation. According to some, there are hardly any female users. Oh, and some users have reported that the FBI did call them. Currently, The Right Stuff has a 2.6 star rating overall in the App Store. But given that it just launched, I’m confident that the bugs will be ironed out quickly. Surely the FBI has more important things to do?

I needed to find someone who hadn’t used all of their invites since each Right Stuff user has three, and then I could ask them to invite me. I repeatedly pleaded with my Twitter and Instagram followers, and I even allowed the app to search my phone contacts for people who might be using it. No luck. I chose to complete the profile in the manner I believed would appeal to users the most in an effort to increase my chances of being accepted. I must admit that I’m not “technically” a “conservative,” so I had to adopt a new perspective in order to complete the form. Send me a message if you’re my ideal bridesmaid. particularly if you enjoy dancing

First Name: Ginny

Last Name (Optional): Let’s go with… DeSantis

ZIP Code: Maybe it’s best if I say that my nuclear codes are at Mar-a-Lago and treat this like the nuclear codes.

gender: female (The app only provided me with two options and informed me that I could not change it later.)

Height: 5′ 7″. (Unlike sex, I am free to change my mind later; if I encounter a 5-foot-6 king, I will. I wouldn’t ever want to tower over a man by even one inch.)

Age: 23. (No one’s checking, right?)

What ideal plans do you have for kids? I read them several times hoping to find the option for “don’t want kids” (which is my truth), but alas, it was missing. The choices are “want kids,” “open to kids,” “already have kids,” and “not sure yet.” The closest I could come to it was to say, “I already have them,” so I’ll use that. Bessie and Bess Twins. These are the names of my cats, OK. Nobody will be aware.)

Create Your Own Profile With Music: I’m choosing option three, “God Bless the USA,” because I wasn’t familiar with the first two songs offered and the third is by Chris Brown.

Favorite Liberal Lies: Liberal lies aren’t funny, and you shouldn’t use them to bring people together. Joe Brandon has never been chosen for anything!

I don’t want to be right if loving this is wrong: America.

If anyone from the FBI happens to read this, January 6 Was: Definitely not the time to riot.

Does Jenna Bush qualify as a pundit? She’s my favorite conservative pundit. or a Republican? She appears frequently on television, and she is adorable.

I finished my profile in five minutes and received eight spam emails from FlirtyMature, a sex website. Of course, this could just be a coincidence.

Even though the app is exclusively for men, it has been two days since I submitted my entry and I still haven’t received an invite. Invite me to The Right Stuff, please. I don’t want to attend the wedding by myself.

Micheal Kurt

I earned a bachelor's degree in exercise and sport science from Oregon State University. He is an avid sports lover who enjoys tennis, football, and a variety of other activities. He is from Tucson, Arizona, and is a huge Cardinals supporter.

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